My room had all of the style of a Motel 6 (and there is nothing wrong with a Motel 6, when one is expecting to stay at a Motel 6) without any of the cleanliness or amenities. The bedspread was the second-scariest one that I've ever seen--the first scariest was the one that Jeff & I saw on our trek from Nebraska to Houston with our cat Calypso, and we had tried to sleep hovered above that bed in Oklahoma City. The floor was a greige-y linoleum, and the wall plug tried to come home with me when I unplugged my computer. I don't blame the wall plug. I wouldn't have wanted to stay in that room any longer, either. The refrigerator--actually, a nice touch--had a broken handle, but I was able to pry my way in.
I wouldn't have complained at all (hey, I'd asked for "inexpensive"!), except that when I checked out this morning, the front desk tacked on an additional "resort fee"--a last-minute charge. I asked the desk clerk what the resort fee was for, given that I was staying at a motel. He claimed that the resort fee was for parking (the motel parking slots???), beach access (the wooden stairs???), and computer use (behind the front desk???).
OK, Palm Beach Oceanfront Inn. Here's a tutorial for you, so that you can tell the difference between a resort and your motel.
| Resort | Most decidedly not a resort |
| Valet parking | Parking in slots outside rooms, exposed to the elements |
| Several different places to eat | One place to eat, open at odd times of day |
| Pools (plural) | Pool (singular), slightly larger than a hot tub |
| Pool attendants, pool towels, food/drink service at pools | People anywhere near the pool |
| Gated access to beach | Serial killers can have access to your beach and your rooms |
| Luxurious rooms | Greige rooms |
| Luxurious bathrooms | Bathrooms that make you seriously consider buying flip-flops for shower |
| Luxurious bathroom amenities | The same amenities that you’d get in any other inexpensive motel |
| Fluffy towels | The same towels that you’d get in any other inexpensive motel |
| Concierge | Night watchman (maybe) (I fell asleep, trying to get the image of the room out of my head) |
| Security guards | Lock on door |
I don't mind roughing it (as long as "roughing it" includes cable TV). What I mind is sneakiness. So, Palm Beach Oceanfront Inn, here's hoping that every Google search pulls up this post. Have fun with the next guest who gets tagged for a resort fee at your motel. And, Mr. Front Desk, who--when I asked him if he was kidding about a resort fee--suggested that I stay at the Ritz next time, yes, I believe that I will.
2 comments:
The "resort fee" is a sneaky device that's abused even by real resorts. My wife and I will, on average, come in from the edge of the galaxy (Laughlin( and spend a night "in town" as we say, meaning Las Vegas. There you will find that most of the mega-resorts are using the resort fee to advertise a room rate five to eight dollars more than you'll actually pay in the final analysis. Not a major Wall Street fraud or anything like that, especially considering they practically give the rooms away for free (for what a Holiday Inn Express in Orange County charges for one night you stay three nights in Las Vegas or an entire week in Laughlin). But it's a sort of annoying practice that's an insult to your intelligence, like the gas stations adding nine tenths of a cent to their prices.
Genuinely funny. I particularly liked the table.
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